The organisation works to educate, equip and encourage... it is faith founded, recovery focused and jargon free It seeks to bridge the gap, integrating psychology, psychiatry and the church.
I have been to a few of their conferences over the years and they just get better and better. The power of hope in that place yesterday was tangible. We came together as sufferers, helpers or both..joined by our experiences in the arena of trauma, hurt and mental health struggles, we left that place uplifted, encouraged and determined to keep going. The stories of inspiration and recovery were pure joy, fuel for the journey.
I battled to overcome my darkest suicidal times many years ago, when I was first diagnosed with bipolar ... manic depression as it then was, in San Francisco in 1994. I was put in seclusion and strapped to a bed with leather restraints while going through the most terrifying experience of my life, my first psychotic episode.
Years later I was sectioned in Scotland. I lived in the Scottish Borders for 11 years. The night of my very over the top fancy 40th birthday party, at the beautiful Traquair House, I was delivered to the local unit in the Borders, Huntlyburn House. My state of mind had deteriorated too far however and I was, within days, transferred to the Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital. My children were small, 9 and 18 months, and my poor husband was left in the middle of nowhere in the beautiful Ettrick Valley trying to look after two young children and deal with the fall out that my incarceration and illness inflicted on me, on him and on our whole family.
It was, I can safely say, the most horrendous time of my life. I was a mum, but I was unable to be a mum, and the memory of celebrating my beautiful little boy's first birthday in a visiting room in a psychiatric hospital remains a horrific one.
And yet. GOD. I was not a Christian when these events were happening but I had been searching... in California where I took a course in 'Culture and Creation Spirituality'. I connected with my creative self and escaped the parental control and manipulation which had put me through Cambridge University and led me to working as a BBC radio journalist. With massive suicidal depression alerting me to the fact that inside there was something very wrong, I escaped first to Los Angeles where my childhood friend was living, and from there was led to the course at Holy Names College in Oakland, which in turn gave me the certain knowledge that there was a divine aspect to the universe.
Since then much water has passed under the proverbial bridge. I met my husband, in a pub in Halifax, in Yorkshire, where I am from. I had had to return from California, as shortly after being released from my incarceration in the Langley Porter Unit in San Francisco... came news from home that my beloved Mum was dying of cancer.
Six months after her death I met my husband, and we (I was 33 and my biological clock was ticking), got married and pregnant within two years. When I was six months pregnant we upped and left all family and friends in Halifax and headed off to our new life in the middle of nowhere in the Scottish Borders.
It seemed a completely crazy move. And yet...it is now my strong belief that it was God's plan. There it was that I met the person... and people that connected me with the only thing that could begin the process of healing my utter brokenness. I gave my life to God and oh the relief. For 40 odd years I'd battled so hard to make it work and make it alright... and my flesh was doing its damndest to hang onto me with that 'you can do this by yourself' nonsense. Finally, thank you God, I reached the point where I could not not surrender to Him and say God help me please, it's over to you, my life is yours, Your will be done because I can't do this any more.
From there the journey has continued... with its inevitable in the world battles and struggles. I consider myself an overcomer. No longer a victim I walk in the victory of knowing that He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world.
My heart is to help others suffering with these issues at the same time balancing my own needs and continuing mini ups and downs. We ALL have a state of mental health and this is why Mind and Soul say, and I wholeheartedly agree, it is no longer an option for church leaders not to know about this stuff. We all know the statistics and we know the reality of how widespread these issues are.
I consider myself blessed to have had the journey and experiences I have had.. they may have been tough but they give me insight and compassion. I am so happily sporting my kintsugihope.com t-shirt and necklace.... with their slogan and meaning 'discovering treasure in life's scars' and it's OK not to be OK. These words connect directly into my heart and my experience.
We enjoyed a fantastic message from Beth Redman all about hope in adversity referencing those wonderful verses Exodus 14:13-14 and Psalm 46:10. When we reach the end of ourselves we need the courage to not be afraid, in the way we are told so often in the Bible, we need to be still, to trust God, stop striving, we need to enter God's rest and watch the miracle happen. He can and will do it if we will just let go and get out of the way.
I have, along the way, been working as a healthcare assistant in a psychiatric unit, and through church have been helping run a mental health support group 'Peace of Mind.
There was so much good stuff from everyone yesterday and it will be available via mind and soul's website. I've come a long way and I just had to write something about that fantastic conference this morning. Rev. Will van der Hart gave such real talk encouragement in his final message. It was about acknowledging we are all in this together. I can help others and others can help me. God wants us to work together.. to 1) accept my imitations, 2) welcome my uniqueness and 3) lead out of my vulnerability. God wants us to know we belong, we don't need to hide behind a false self...we need to be our true selves to carry out our true mission. Jesus bore our shame that we might share His glory. We need to show up and be real.
Thank you to everyone involved in yesterday's conference. It was awesome. I am fuelled up and ready to continue this amazing adventure that God has blessed me with. Slowly, step by step, day by day, walking forward into His mission for my life.
